Monday, September 30, 2013

What Do You Do When a Girl Hits You?

Well, assuming you're a man. This is actually a really serious problem for guys who are on the receiving end of domestic abuse- which they are a lot more than people recognize. You basically have a class of victims almost no one believes, and who are so afraid of the social consequences of admitting the abuse that they often don't come forward. And that's not okay.

There's a bit at the end about female on male violence in the media and how it's played for laughs, which is what the commentors mostly seem to latch on to. I think it's an important point, but it's a symptom of the problem, not a cause. We have a narrative where there's only one way the genders behave relative to each other, and we put on blinders when the situation doesn't match that. We can't help what we refuse to see. And that's not okay.

This is totally a feminist issue.  


  1. Thank you, Lesli.

    I would agree with you that this would be a feminist issue ... if I saw any feminists advocating for it, promoting for men's shelters, giving equal time to media on f-on-m abuse, pressing for equal time for f-on-m criminal sentences.

    Sadly, all the ones I see are doing the opposite: defunding, minimizing, blameshifting. At best it gets lip service from every feminist source I can see. Can you point me to somewhere that isn't true? Not meant as a smart-ass answer, I am genuinely curious.

  2. Mm, I'll give you that equal time often doesn't happen, but I do see a lot of feminists stopping people (especially folk tuned into gay and trans issues) when they try and talk about these things as if male on female violence is the only type out there. Off the top of my head, while it's not 1 for 1, the Unbroken Project (rape survivors) is very good about making sure there's space for male victims in their narrative, and there are some good Male Survivor support groups out there. I've also seen some universities working hard to make sure there are male only safe spaces for guys who are having depression and relationship issues, but that's not the same thing as actual domestic abuse issues. I'll definitely look around and see if I can find you something uplifting, though.